Top 5 Tips to survive the first month of a Breakup
* Language Warning*
It doesn't matter if it was a three month summer fling, or a seven year long engagement, break ups fucking suck. They come out of nowhere and slap you right in the tits & even if you were expecting it, nothing can prepare you for the roller coaster ride that is - a breakup.
At the time of the aforementioned 'Breakup' the emotional mountain that stands before you feels so impossible to climb. Throw in our work commitments, family, even brushing your teeth can seem like an effort on a bad day, and boy will you have a few of those. But if I can plead with you to trust me one thing - and that is, that this feeling you have right now, the lost, hopeless and broken feeling in your heart and soul - it doesn't last forever, I promise. But it takes some work on your part and below I have listed my top 5 tips on surviving the first month of a Breakup.
TIP 1. CEASE ALL CONTACT!
I don't care what anyone says - you cannot be friends with your 'just broken up with' Ex - Period! Yes, there will come a time where hopefully you are both mature enough to perhaps one day be friends again (don't put too much expectation on this though, i'll cover this in another blog).
If you want to process and eventually heal from the devastation that has just happened in your life, you need to summon the strength and discipline to completely and utterly block this person from your life. This means:
- Blocking them from your Instagram and Snapchat
- Unmatching on Tinder (to be honest, its best to delete this App for now, Ill explain why below)
- Unfriending and Blocking from Facebook
- Blocking their Mobile Number/s
I would recommend writing a very direct but polite email or message to your ex and explain: you are currently trying to protect yourself as much as possible from anything that may upset you at this current time, that they may notice you have removed them from your social media etc. In no way is this a spiteful act but is a necessary step to help you heal. Ask them to please respect your decisions and to provide you with the space & distance you need to get over what has just happened.
This is a time for you to really look within and start nurturing your body, mind and soul. If you're like me, you will find a strange sense of freedom when you remove your Ex from your digital media/phone/contacts. It gives you a chance to let go of that direct line of communication and instead allows you to put more focus into yourself, your friends (who will be surrounding you and offering support) and your family (who will be worried and concerned for you also).
Believe me when I say, that you need to cease contact, make this promise to yourself.. It doesn't have to be forever, but it's a necessary step towards healing and self-love.
TIP 2 - EMBRACE YOUR EMOTIONS
The wave of emotion you will feel in the coming days and months is exhausting, but allow it to happen, if you want to cry, have a big cry. If you find yourself having a little joke, thats totally ok too! Some days you will feel angry, thats ok - but throughout these emotions, it's important to keep your reactions to these emotions in check. Don't REACT by sending an angry hate-filled text to your ex.. or calling them on a drunken night out... For some Ex's even if they don't show it, they are also going through this breakup. They are also hurting in their own way.. so don't be selfish by disrupting their healing processes too by expressing your emotional reactions onto them... I recommend getting a notepad/journal where you can rip out the pages, and start writing everything down, every emotion, every felling, every regret, every wish you had or have for your ended-relationship, purge that shit on paper and then throw that motherfucker in the bin, or a fire, or down a well or simply cut it up into tiny pieces and sprinkle it on your garden.
Feel, Acknowledge, Purge & Delete
TIP 3 - STOP OBSESSING
You will start to catch yourself over-thinking and obsessing over your Ex.. Sounds crazy right, but trust me you will. You'll ask your friends what photos he/she has put on their Insta, you'll think constantly about the past, regrets, who they might be talking too. You will drive yourself to exhaustion with overthinking and you will quite literally give YOURSELF anxiety over your Ex. The moment you catch yourself overthinking or obsessing, call yourself out on it. STOP / QUIT / ENOUGH!! These are the words you will tell yourself and then redirect your thoughts to something good. It can be going and patting your dog, giving your mum a big hug, being grateful for the air in your lungs and the opportunities that are available to us each and every day...
I know it's hard to even thinking about putting your own energy into something or someone else, but showing gratefulness will surprisingly make you feel a whole lot better. Focusing on the needs of others will get you out of your own head for a while, and that is a very liberating and healthy thing to do.
TIP 4 - TAKE YOUR TIME
At the present moment, I can take a guess and say that all you feel you have is time right now. That somehow you are stuck in this purgatory of depression and hopelessness and the only thing that will release you is time. But please trust me when I say... Take your time to process and move through this transition in the right way, take time to rediscover yourself, to find yourself again outside of your relationship.
Reconnect with your friends, make new friends, learn something new, perhaps travel and discover unexpected beauty in the little things. Use this time as a second chance to discover what makes your heart sing, what gets you excited about life. And please, take your time to properly heal before starting a new relationship. It is impossible to love someone 100% when you are still mourning your previous relationship.
TIP 5 - PRIORITISE SELF-CARE + ROUTINE
It's important to understand the value in having a routine. Going through a breakup can create a sense of chaos in your life, but embracing a routine again can instil a comforting sense of stability.
Although it is easy to skip meals or not want to get out of bed, it's important to show yourself the love, care and support you need at this time. Only YOU can help YOURSELF get through this breakup - so put your big girl panties on, give yourself a big hug and get it done. It doesn't matter at what pace. Girl, YOU'VE GOT THIS.
I promise you that in time, you will look back and be proud of yourself for getting through one of the hardest things you might have been faced with in your life. At the time it may feel impossible, but heartache can be overcome and the beauty of it is you will come out a stronger, more resilient person than ever before.
And better yet, I hope from reading our blogs - that you will also learn to see your Ex and the entire breakup experience as an absolute blessing in disguise, for without it you wouldn't have had the opportunity to grow, flourish and transcend into an even more amazing version of your true self!